originally posted
March 11, 2019
March 11, 2019
“He who learns must suffer, and, even in our sleep, pain that cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart, and in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God.” (Aeschylus c. 525 - 456 BCE)
As far back as I can remember, I have sensed something outside of myself. As a child, I believed I could hear it in the wind and see it in the rain. I have never been sure exactly what it is but I have always sensed I was never alone. As I grew up, religion instructed me as to its substance and character and I was told the dimensions by which it existed. No matter how much doctrine and theocracy was placed before me, I could not imagine that my comforting and invisible friend was merely a wise old man, very human and very unpredictable, glaring from a distance at my life in judgment.
I believe that life is much more than a mere journey we are forced to take towards death. I believe that life is an unending path that continues to shape us all, even when we have died and passed on to some otherland. We are, after all, spiritual beings in a human experience, not just human beings searching for spiritual directives. We can discover purpose as we walk along but only if we allow ourselves to awaken to a better God and a better way. The experiences we have, the people we meet on our journey, the knowledge we accumulate from external sources all act as tools, forging us into that something better, if we allow them. We are here to learn.
Whether we recognize a greater reason, or cast our salvation at the feet of a deity, is beside the point. No matter what you do, no matter how you hide, one cannot evade the hard cold lessons life stacks upon us. Most days, it's all one can do to survive God, let alone live up to impossible standards that come built into humanity through religion. We spend so much time worrying about whether we are doing what is right, saying the prescribed words and feeling acceptable things, that we don't notice how much more to this world there is. Most people can’t afford the time. They keep walking, step by step, and miss all the scenery. Sometimes, it is hard to notice anything, especially when it appears (for all intensive purposes) that there is not much for us to notice. So, we just make it up in our heads, just for good measure.
When I look back on my life, often with much resolved sadness, I can see clearly why the things I know and the road I have travelled appear meant for me and me alone. When I see my life, in flashes, I understand fully why I had to face my experiences and how, like a whisper, the Spirit I knew was there all along. Who I am is therefore defined not only by my experiences but my reaction to them. In a sense, how I feel becomes who I am. My reasoning does not always master my emotions but my emotions usually master my reasoning. We are cumulative. We are the sum of all these things. It is not, however, that we are only made up of where we have been. We are much more than snapshots from the side of the road. Each motion we take, each purpose we find, seems to fit. It is exactly how we are supposed to see. I still believe that our life is not predestined but the lessons we are supposed to learn most certainly are.
Everything I am as a person, every good thing and every bad thing, is the reason I was put here. The journey is that which will carry me and create me. If I allow myself to be moulded by the Presence we call God, life becomes a step forward, not just some mission. It matters little your faith, but you must have some if you are going to try and understand. We are all but particles of energy and matter, spun together in harmony with the searching soul inside us. Every scene from our lives lifting us, making us into the person we were meant to be. When we become more aware, in touch with the unknown, and pay attention to the reasons behind the way our life has unfolded, we then can recognize the motion of something from beyond this mortal coil. In the end, the anatomy of our being and the accumulation of our experiences are the way that leads to light.
We can only trust that despite what others say, and what we have been taught to believe, the unknown current that creates everything, including the road we follow, will lead us to where we are supposed to go. When we examine that path, and all it entails, it does nothing if not promote the same ideals we started out with. Every person on this planet is a child of God, whether we care to recognize that or not. We must realize that the way that leads us home (to whatever being lies waiting), is the very thing that will determine what we do when we get there. Each moment, each scene from a life is a revelation of the true nature of the force which guides us and calls us on.
Life is hard and cold and painful but it is also tender and beautiful and rewarding. It really is all in how one looks at it. When you take the time to notice, your life can change from a burden to freedom. It is our scars which heal us strong on this journey that we take. The things we know and the experiences we have may be heavy but they build strength and fortitude in the face of sheer misery. It is all we can do to survive the gods men have created. Sometimes that which we believe should heal us makes much deeper wounds. It is harsh reality that all must suffer. Life is suffering.
As time passes on and the ways of childhood drift behind us like snow on a Canadian highway, a life so lived becomes a labyrinth, a puzzle put together by time and consequence. Each piece is unique unto itself. If you want to witness who you are supposed to be, stop and see where you have been. Pay attention to this life and all that comes with it and you will see, without reservation, the secret that religious dogma fails to reveal. Each one of us, from the heretic to the holy, already has the answers but we fail to give them substance. If the unexamined life is not worth living, then it’s time to examine it. Take notice. There is a road inside of you and inside me there is one too. All you are required to do is to put one foot in front of the other.
“Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking ‘cross the floor
Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking out the door
You never will get where you’re going
If you never get up on your feet
Come on, there’s a good tail wind blowing
A fast walking man is hard to beat”
(Santa Claus is Coming to Town, Rankin/Bass Productions, 1970)
Photo
Iron Horse Trail
Fall 2011
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