At this
point, nothing about this life surprises me. Whether the good or the bad, I seem to be able to survive no matter the cost. One might
argue life has been unfair to me, not that it is fair to anyone really. I have
paid quite the price just to get where I am. I have always just assumed it was like this for most people.
From what I understand even those we would imagine to have a blessed life curl
up in a ball and scream out loud in their head. Life is hard for everyone. We
are all on the same road just at divergent marks, at unique intersections only
we experience. We are all going to the same place, we just try not to think
about it. It is all just one big dead end, whether we care to admit it or not.
Sometimes I
feel like Job, the Biblical figure
from the Old Testament. His entire
life he tried to be a good man, and his prosperity seemed to validate God’s
favour. One day God must have gotten
bored so he gambled Job’s welfare
away in a game of test with Satan. Suddenly, horrendous disasters and events
take away everything that Job ever held dear. There is no bet, no prize to
claim when the game was all done. God, in his infinite glory, simply wanted to
make sure Job was faithful and, apparently, granted the devil much power to really
push the point. As Job struggles with
his new reality, and greatly suffers along the way, he refuses to curse God.
Things
happen to us as we travel. Some are beautiful and suggest that life can be a
wonderful thing. Other circumstances are not so affirming. Each of us has our
own route to follow and our own struggles to face, often on a daily basis. It
would appear that God tests all of us. Most people fall short, blaming god for
all their troubles. According to scripture, it is God’s fault. How cavalier,
how pompous, to wage a war of strife on someone worthy of your favour. How
unfair life was for Job, even though
he really did nothing wrong but to exist. In the end, Job stands righteous. What
a patient man. Then just for fun, God restores Job to a state previous to the
gamble. All that pain and all that strife and it was all for not.
We all have
an inventory of pain and strife that we carry with us all the days of our
lives. It’s unending. Sometimes it feels like a literal hell on this earth. From
the most innocent child to the most aged soul, life tosses one circumstance
after another at us until each one of us is dead. The random assaults never
really ever stop. It is one thing after another after another after another.
For each of us, it may seem like a collection, a gathering of all our suffering
and struggle and misery. In contrast, I have always felt that God was punishing
me rather than playing some malevolent
game of chance with the devil. I guess I have always taken it personally when
climatic and senseless tragedy refuses to leave me alone. Unlike Job, I often
curse the Christian God for His apathy. Apparently, our lives are full of
strife because, in actuality, God loves us.
“because the Lord disciplines those he loves”
(Proverbs 3:12a NIV)
I’m not much of a whiner. I tend to use the
experiences from my life as example in my writing but I don’t let them “gather
moss,” so to speak. I don’t walk around blaming life for those things which
have been placed before me, I blame the Trinity. At any random point a
benevolent and compassionate God would most certainly interfere just to spare
his “children” from his imposed suffering. This God sits silently, century
after century, watching man destroy himself and his planet. He doesn’t say a word.
He simply sits up in his heaven and tosses down
infliction like candy to a baby. Just when you think you have gained his
favour yet another disaster, another scramble meets you. Life is unfair and to
believe that the Abrahamic deity presented in the Old and New Testaments actually wants things that
way presents a challenge for my Faith. I still believe in god, I just don’t
believe in this God.
I do not
believe that god punishes or chastises us. I don’t believe he has anything to
do with our lives here on earth. Obviously, god cannot interfere or it would
have long ago. I can’t believe there is pleasure or purpose for a celestial
being to impose harm and hurt upon anyone, including its own offspring. God is
watching us from a distance, not for entertainment value but rather like the
wind. You can tell it is there but you do not know where it has come from nor
do you know where it is going. The very idea that God is a human creature,
floating in the skies, is anthropomorphic to a fault. To imagine such mortal
restraints placed upon something Holy and pure is one of the main reasons so
many people are abandoning their faith structures for a more palatable dogma. I
refuse to listen to the advice from a God who has more faults than me.
“It blows and nobody
knows where it's going to
Like the wind
It blows and nobody
knows what it’s gonna do
Like the wind
At night you can hear
it cry as the teardrops fall
from heaven's eyes and
somehow you know it's true
These tears that fall
Could be falling for
you
Like the wind”
(The Wind, Michael English 1996)
When I was
12 years old, Jesus pushed a 450 pound steam radiator down a flight of stairs
and directed it to land on my left foot then leg. I was in the hospital for months. At the time, I
did not understand how God could have allowed such a thing to be done to me so
I went with the punishment explanation. A few years later and I internalized
the reason I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder as a result of my sinful
nature. My physical manifestation was much like Job being assaulted by God with horrible skin sores. These
specifics, and many similar experiences with chaos were directed, my
consequence for whatever might be wrong with me on any given day. On Sunday, I
thanked the Father just the same. I grew up believing that if I did something
bad, something sinful, I would be punished by God. Karma aside, I was intimidated,
to say the least.
“We cannot achieve more in life than what we believe in our
heart of hearts we deserve to have.” (James R. Ball, American author)
If the
consequence of this mortal condition is misery then, to quote the Buddha, “life
is suffering.” Such awareness can be difficult to accept in a world where Godly
rewards are seemingly handed out like
N95 masks at the liquor store (usually to white people). The Christian God
seems to display his favour to those who claim membership to this exclusive
club. Over and over, the Bible tells
me so. The secret, the one those Elect care not to mention, is regardless of
what your believe or what Savior you might follow, nothing is any different.
The shit will still hit the fan and life will continue to be the same challenge
it was before you placed your trust in something that has remained aloof for
more than 2000 years.
Its true,
with all the nastiness life can bring, it also brings great joy and mercy. This
is why religion has always, and continues, to attract members. Out with the old
and in with the new. The divine promises of protection and inclusion mean
little in the long run. Believing you are exempt from the struggles of this
life because you found Jesus, or Allah, or whatever other deity you prefer, is
all good and well until all that noise does nothing but to signify nothing. Unlike Job,
you cannot help but to take it personally. Life is a bitch and you will die
regardless.
The
argument goes, since God is omnipotent, merciful and just, therefore evil and
suffering must be part of God's plan for humanity. Bull shit. Life doesn’t need
God’s help. It brings enough gloom and grief and pandemonium without something pseudo-divine
playing in the fields of some Lord. One can assume that the consequence for a
godless life is punishment. A God-filled life must therefore be one of bliss. Reality
does not work that way. Even the most contrite and righteous soul will face the
very same challenges, the very same horrors, as the rest of us. In times of suffering and misery human beings
look beyond their fray to the promise of a better life.
Good luck with that.
Photo
https://timehrhardt.com/2021/02/10/job-61-13-a-response-to-suffering/
No comments:
Post a Comment